I share many "outsider" qualities too: being the tallest girl in my class/town; being a gifted child intellectually (but not supported or understood in my working-class family); having a mother so much younger than everyone else's, moving around so much (my mum's romantic life was chaotic and thus my childhood); being an unusually perceptive/sensitive child; being the only one in my extended family (still) who has been to university; marrying an upper-class man and thus being an outsider in his circle; divorcing him and being an outsider as a single and childless middle-aged woman... moving countries in my mid-50s... the list could go on!!
I sometimes think that one of my griefs over not being able to become a mother was also because it was 'my last ditch attempt to join the normals'...
These days, Im at peace with my outsider status because it's where change always comes from - the margins not the mainstream. And, lonely as it can be, I am proud to be a changemaker!
Y.L.'s post and your comment really resonate with me, Jody! I could have written so much of this: moving around & always being the newcomer, bookish & artsy & non-athletic at a sports-obsessed school, being the first (or one of the first) in my extended family to attend university. I married into an Italian family and am STILL the lone non-Italian in-law on one side of my husband's family... and we now live in a very Italian suburb where everyone is Italian & Catholic, has kids and a large extended family nearby, grew up here and all went to the same schools -- all things I am not. To say I feel like a fish out of water sometimes is an understatement.
I remember telling the facilitator at the pregnancy loss support group I attended that when I got pregnant I felt like I'd finally joined this club, this exclusive society that I'd longed to be part of. She nodded sympathetically and then said, "And then you got kicked out of the club." Touchez!
Living a life outside the status quo, particularly without the buffers of familial or financial support is HARD. Trying to make a living as a writer in the current economic/algorithmic world is HARD. Thank you for keeping on, keeping on - your voice is unique, authentic, informed, passionate and NEEDED. I'm here to support you any way I can. Love, Jody x
Those who blaze their own trails end up lost sometimes, only to find a way to their happiness. On the Outside is a great name. We all deserve our shot at happiness and I'm sure you will find yours.
Let the storm pass. On the Outside is a great name, it caught my attention. For me, the name conjures mystery and intrigue. Those on the 'outside' can often have a wider perspective on important matters. Whether you are on the inside or outside, what matters is that you walk your own unique, authentic path. Not a carbon copy of what everyone else is doing, according to and dictated by their biology and social conditioning. Sometimes it's nice to visit the inside sometimes, but not stay.
Also, sometimes it's necessary to mask normalcy in order to get by. The only thing I don't like about being on the 'outside' (and believe me, I am, it's in so many ways, more than I can mention publicly) is that it's damn practically inconvenient sometimes. ! Best of luck to you. xxxxxx
PS. Id' never want a book deal if I were married with children! Can you IMAGINE how exhausted you would always be!!!!
I share many "outsider" qualities too: being the tallest girl in my class/town; being a gifted child intellectually (but not supported or understood in my working-class family); having a mother so much younger than everyone else's, moving around so much (my mum's romantic life was chaotic and thus my childhood); being an unusually perceptive/sensitive child; being the only one in my extended family (still) who has been to university; marrying an upper-class man and thus being an outsider in his circle; divorcing him and being an outsider as a single and childless middle-aged woman... moving countries in my mid-50s... the list could go on!!
I sometimes think that one of my griefs over not being able to become a mother was also because it was 'my last ditch attempt to join the normals'...
These days, Im at peace with my outsider status because it's where change always comes from - the margins not the mainstream. And, lonely as it can be, I am proud to be a changemaker!
YES! The last ditch attempt to join the normals. I can relate to that so much!
Y.L.'s post and your comment really resonate with me, Jody! I could have written so much of this: moving around & always being the newcomer, bookish & artsy & non-athletic at a sports-obsessed school, being the first (or one of the first) in my extended family to attend university. I married into an Italian family and am STILL the lone non-Italian in-law on one side of my husband's family... and we now live in a very Italian suburb where everyone is Italian & Catholic, has kids and a large extended family nearby, grew up here and all went to the same schools -- all things I am not. To say I feel like a fish out of water sometimes is an understatement.
I remember telling the facilitator at the pregnancy loss support group I attended that when I got pregnant I felt like I'd finally joined this club, this exclusive society that I'd longed to be part of. She nodded sympathetically and then said, "And then you got kicked out of the club." Touchez!
Living a life outside the status quo, particularly without the buffers of familial or financial support is HARD. Trying to make a living as a writer in the current economic/algorithmic world is HARD. Thank you for keeping on, keeping on - your voice is unique, authentic, informed, passionate and NEEDED. I'm here to support you any way I can. Love, Jody x
I am forever grateful for your support. Thank you so much. xoxo
Those who blaze their own trails end up lost sometimes, only to find a way to their happiness. On the Outside is a great name. We all deserve our shot at happiness and I'm sure you will find yours.
Thank you. You're a good friend. <3
I so relate to this. I also feel like I'm on the outside. It's funny, the name of your newsletter has similar vibes to my Abnormally Normal one :-)
Oh my gosh! I didn't think of that! Yes, we DO have similar names for our newsletters! Love it!
Great minds and all that :-)
Let the storm pass. On the Outside is a great name, it caught my attention. For me, the name conjures mystery and intrigue. Those on the 'outside' can often have a wider perspective on important matters. Whether you are on the inside or outside, what matters is that you walk your own unique, authentic path. Not a carbon copy of what everyone else is doing, according to and dictated by their biology and social conditioning. Sometimes it's nice to visit the inside sometimes, but not stay.
Also, sometimes it's necessary to mask normalcy in order to get by. The only thing I don't like about being on the 'outside' (and believe me, I am, it's in so many ways, more than I can mention publicly) is that it's damn practically inconvenient sometimes. ! Best of luck to you. xxxxxx
PS. Id' never want a book deal if I were married with children! Can you IMAGINE how exhausted you would always be!!!!
It thrills me to hear you associate "on the outside" with mystery and intrigue. Thank you for this.